Swimming As My Exercise of Choice

I want swimming to be my exercise of choice. It's easy on my joints. It can easily be a lifelong exercise option. It feels good. I actually enjoy it. It's total body.

But I can't. Or rather, I haven't figured it out yet. True to my 40x40 list, I jumped in. I bought a one-month pass and I set out to become a svelte, sculpted mermaid. I'm still more like a whale.

I lasted a week. I enjoyed it once I was there. But the effort to get there took work. Change clothes, put on swimsuit, take off swimsuit, put clothes on. That's a lot of dressing/undressing for a girl who dresses in the morning, jammies in the evening, dress again in the morning. That's like two whole steps of dressing/undressing.

Then there was the showering....Shower in the morning, shower before the pool, shower after the pool, shower again in the morning. That's a lot of water wasting during a drought.

Then there was the weight gain. How can one person cut their calories, swim for 45 minutes, and GAIN weight? Waterlogged? Am I like a sponge soaking up the water so that I weigh more?

Anyway, I gave it a shot. And I actually plan to give it more of a shot but I need to figure out the way it works best in my schedule. I know I need to do something and truth be told, no matter what I choose, I'll have excuses. It's about cutting the excuses long enough to let something become an enjoyable habit. Wish me luck (and give me tips if you've incorporated swimming into your routine!).

Transition from Mom to Grandma

I'll be a grandma before I turn 40. I need some cool ideas for a name other than grandma - anything but grandma. I'm way cooler than that! Memaw? Granny? Gma? I guess my granddaughter will decide! Leave your ideas in the comments!!

Marcus and I have always had a strong bond. Sometimes it's felt like me and Marc against the world. For almost 8 years, it was just he and I. Then there was my ex and then there wasn't again. So he's my sidekick. My favorite oldest son. I've done my best and questioned my best and wondered if my best was best enough. I'm still second guessing!

So this next step is filled with mixed emotions. Happiness and a little sadness. Excitement and a little anxiousness. Pride and worry.

He's grown up so much in the last 6 months. Working full time at a decent job with decent pay and full benefits. Making tough decisions - like missing a family vacation to work, buying a reliable car instead of the truck he wants, paying his bills instead of going out. All the things we all have to do as we grow up. As a parent, sometimes we get frustrated with our kids and wonder if they'll ever grow up and be responsible and then one day, they do. I know there will be lots more growing up to do but he's off to a great start and I'm proud of the man he's becoming.

And now today, he begins to move away from home to his first little apartment. It's exciting. I remember my mom helping me. Buying me little things for the kitchen, my first set of towels, giving me her decorations she didn't want anymore - everything to make it feel like home. And now I get to do the same thing. I'm so happy for them.

But I'm on the verge of tears too. He's my baby and he's leaving. Wow, that went really fast. Wasn't I just changing diapers? Waiting for him to say "momma" for the first time?

So now I get to be excited about Sunday dinner at my house. My dad did that when I first moved out and I miss it so much. Now I get to make that tradition. I'll make their favorites and spoil that baby. Now baby can come visit grandma instead of living with grandma.

But now I worry...what if they need me? It's their first child. Do they know what to do? Can I protect them? What if the baby cries and they need an extra set of arms....? what if what if what if. . . by now you should be getting a good idea of the mixed emotions.

The truth is even with my fears, I realize they're unfounded. I'm just a few short blocks away and they're responsible young adults. They'll have growing pains, I'll get the calls asking what to do about this or that, I'll miss them. But this is what's supposed to happen. He should be moving out. They should want their own place. It's all part of the process and I'm so thankful I raised him like I did. My role is changing a bit and I'm pretty excited about this step. I have a feeling they won't be the only ones with a few growing pains. (Is it acceptable to still ask him to check in? Can I still text him a few times a day telling him I love him? How often is too often to tell him I miss him? How do I make sure I'm not "that" mother-in-law?)

Oh, and about that bucket list - I threw Jyni a wonderful baby shower. I took pics but deleted them (dummy!!). It turned out wonderful and she was spoiled with cute pink frilly outfits, lots of diapers, and plenty of blankets. If there's one thing this granny can do - it's throw a party!!

40x40 - Sun, Sand, and Shelton

Mark two off my annual bucket list - Visit a Beach - DONE! and See Blake Shelton in concert - DONE!

Bullard's Beach Lighthouse

I thankfully got tickets to the Cape Blanco Music Festival. A large country music festival held each year at Cape Blanco (duh) which is a gorgeous spot on the Oregon Coast. Located near Bandon and Port Orford, the quaint sea towns offer your usual mix of artsy craftsy stores, plenty of wind and sea air, and lighthouses. It's sort of nostalgic. Maybe a little sad the way our coastal towns seem to be in a bit of disrepair but at the same time beautiful.

I absolutely love the Oregon coast. I can't say that I absolutely LOVE country music. I'm a bit of a rocker myself - Nine Inch Nails, Alice in Chains are more my speed. But I like all music and can appreciate a good country song.

What makes a good country song, you ask? Well if you ask ME, I'll tell you it's a bit twangy and sounds country. None of this "crossover pop" bs - I like my country to sound like country. Johnny Cash, Hank Williams Senior - those guys knew country!

That's Blake right there

What else? Blake Shelton. I do love me some Blake so this year's festival was perfect for me. He's good looking. He's tall. He can sing.

We arrived at Bandon late on Friday and headed to the concert. The traffic was insane. It didn't help that some panhandlers parked by the side of the road playing a fiddle asking for handouts. Smart move for them - about 300 cars stopped to give them money. Bad news for us - it took us 2.5 HOURS to go 17 miles and finally arrive. Grrrrr!!

The bar

After the concert, we headed to Bandon to get some grub. Only bad side to a small coastal town. Every single restaurant, grocery store, and convenience store was closed. No fast food. No late night Denny's. Nothing. Then we spotted a bar connected to a closed Chinese restaurant. They happened to serve food (and whiskey - score one for me!). It was one of those "record-screeches-to-a-stop-and-all-the-locals-
stare" kind of dive bars. It was remarkably clean and I'll say the food was fresh and yummy (I was starving!). The bartender was fun and awesome. It ended up being a great time.

the whiskey

I didn't take pictures but I can assure you there are some great places to eat in Bandon. The Minute Cafe for breakfast was nice and tasty and the Chowder House by the water in downtown had delicious crab/shrimp sandwiches and of course, chowder. Over the weekend, we enjoyed more music, fun with friends, plenty of beer,shopping in some quaint little shops and just some downtime. So glad I can mark this off my list.

Fair Food!

Our view of the stage

Tala, Brian, and Rob at the Beer Garden

 

My selfie stick came in handy

Annual Bucket List Part 2

Without further adieu, I present part 2 of my annual bucket list:

• Host a dinner party at home
• throw a baby shower
• visit the beach
• visit a waterfall
• do more alcohol and ink artwork
• go to a restaurant I've never been to
• help Nate make a minecraft video
• treat myself to a real spa day
• play a new game with the family
• go on a hike
• make cheese at home
• take a photowalk
• take a walk every single morning in September
• plan my 2016 vacation
• take a family photo with five generations
• take Nate to a Beavers game
• wear a cute hat in public
• fix up my patio
• wear my doc martens in public on a day that isn't Halloween
• do an art project with Nate
• throw my favorite things party
• go on a zipline 

There you have it folks....let's get doing!

Announcing my 40 x 40 list (well almost half of it anyway)

40 doesn't bother me at all and I think that's why I haven't really thought about it much. Seriously!

My hair is a little grayer - who cares?

My hips are a little wider - who cares? (ok maybe I do a little but that's not a 40 thing, it's a french fry thing)

My smiles has a few lines around it and my eyes have some crow's feet - who cares?

I don't run as fast any more - who cares? (ok, you caught me - I've never run, not even at 20)

I think that's why I wasn't too worried about this year. The only reason I care about 40 is because I really want a fun party with family and friends that I didn't plan. I don't even really care if it's about me - I just want a fun time.

Let me tell you what I AM struggling with. My son growing up. He got married and is having a baby. I'm super excited about it but it's weird to sort of not have a place right now. Like I worry about what he's doing, when he'll be home, whether or not he's going on my vacation with me - random stuff like that. It's just an adjustment period.

Anway, I decided I better do this annual bucket list thing that I've done for the past five years. I mean if I did it for 35, 36, 37, 38, and 39, then why not do it for 40.

So here's the start of my list (thanks to a friend who helped me)

1. Ride my bike around the rim at Crater Lake National Park (by the way, they have two vehicle free days this year just for this purpose and registration is free!)
2. Fly a kite
3. Read a book from every genre 
4. Learn to make a new dish
5. Get a grown up coloring book and color the whole thing
6. Eat a food I've never eaten before
7. Take a yoga class
8. make sangria
9. dye my hair (or at least a part of it) a wild color
10. Take my own photos and frame them
11. Apply for a dream job I'm completely unqualified for
12. Start a makeup club
13. Incorporate swimming into a exercise routine for a little while
14. become grandma (this is sort of me cheating..this is going to happen)
15. Knit a pair of socks
16. Make three Christmas gifts
17. See Blake Shelton in concert
18. Enter at least one item in the fair

Ok readers and friends - I need 22 more! HELP!! remember, cheap, kind of local, and no snakes!

Let's Do It!

Today I realized with a start several things:

• I miss blogging. It was my outlet. It's been too long.
• I didn't make a list this year and this is a BIG year. (If you've followed me a while you know I create an annual bucket list. Last year was 39 before 39). 
• I'm going to be a grandma in September.
• I turn 40 in December.
• I'm still fatter than I want to be. 

There you have it folks. So here I am. Here's my list:

• Start blogging.
• Make a list (40 before 40 and I only have 4.5 months to do it - send me your ideas ASAP - must be cheap, somewhat local, and not involve snakes)
• I'll totally rock this Grandma thing - no worries there.
• Can't stop 40 and truthfully I embrace it. But it leads me to my next thing....
• I'm not going to turn 40 at this weight. I've lost 120 but it's time to get rid of the rest and do this. 

So, first things first.....help me make my list. Read my blog. Cheer me on. Let's do this!

Making My Way Back

Wow, have I really not written since October? To say I've been busy would be true. But not any busier than usual. I've just felt like I didn't know what to write. I enjoy blogging but truly, is it fun if no one is reading? I know people who blog as a way to journal. It's true that it serves that purpose but to put your thoughts and ramblings out to the universe, well, there has to be a different purpose. 

Since I started this blog, I've been all over the map. I've posted pieces of my divorce. I needed an outlet - one that didn't make my friends pick sides or involve my kids. I've written about my weight loss struggles and my weight loss successes. I shared my moments of self loathing and the moments I've celebrated the way I look. All in all, I think I've shared things for me but also in hopes that maybe someone will read something I've written that resonates. 

With that being said, I'm working through what this year's blog focus will be. Let's start at the beginning. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you'll know that in December I post my annual Bucket List. It's x number of things to do before my x birthday. Last year was 39 before 39. I didn't do so well. Here's my list and a recap:

1. Receive my certificate in web design - DONE! Now I decided to finish up my degree in Business Management. 
2. Try standup paddleboarding - I thought about it more than once. I even almost signed up for a class. But the water was filled with icky algae and it smelled bad and I decided this could wait. 
3. Climb Mt. McLoughlin - This has been on my list for three years. Maybe climbing Mt. McLoughlin just isn't important to me. 
4. Create a website - Yep, did it. Woo hoo
5. Be on stage - Did this too. 
6. Sew a skirt or dress with fabric I love - loved the fabric but I'm no seamstress. 
7. Save $2000 - yeaaaaahhhh right?? Nope. 
8. Visit Cheya - Yep!
9. Cross a finish line - I did do this. The kids and I participated in the Ugly Sweater Run. I walked but my youngest son ran the whole thing!! Way to go!
10. Get a tattoo
11. Dance (outside my house, somewhere besides my kitchen)
12. Conquer a fear - I'm not sure if I did this or not. I'm still afraid of snakes which is the big one. But I'm no longer afraid my son won't make it to 18 (c'mon as a mom, you know you've wondered if you're kids will live if they roll their eyes one more time).  Let's mark this one done. haha
13. Start my memoir - Why did I pick this one? Am I really this important and do I like to write that much? 
14. Hike Stuart Falls trail - I actually did try this one. I ended up at Crater Lake hiking instead. I couldn't find it. Perhaps it's a sign that hiking isn't for me. 
15. Be able to hold plank for 2 minutes - hahahahaha, um, no. 
16. Learn to love my body - It started as acceptance but you know what, this body can do things!
17. Be able to do 20 proper pushups- hahaha, again, um no. I don't even think I ever actually tried one. 
18. Be a bridesmaid in a beautiful wedding
19. Sleep under the stars
20. Complete six passport nights - I cooked a lot but I didn't actually accomplish this. 
21. Master three yoga poses (mountain, Warrior 1, and bridge) - Same as with pushups and plank. Didn't even try. 
22. Ride my bike to work. Nope. I couldn't pick a day when I wanted to be smelly and look like I'd been run over. 
23. Start a regular weight training regime - Well, sort of. I started it. I did it regularly for a week. It counts - I didn't say how long. 
24. go camping - So fun!!
25. take a fashion risk - I actually did a few of these! I did a 30 day closet challenge where I attempted to not wear the same outfit twice in 30 days. I did it. I wore leopard (halfway through the day decided not for me). I wore booties with rolled up jeans (something I thought i'd hate but I loved). I wore cute short skirts with sweater leggings. 
26. get my passport - nope
27. take the kids on a vacation
28. Visit Lassen Park - nope but I did go to Burney Falls which is close!!
29. Go to a play in Ashland - nope. 
30. Decorate my bedroom
31. Teach my kids to cook - I did accomplish this. Marcus regularly makes steak and other stuff while Nate has mastered mac and cheese!
32. Take a weekend trip without the kids and cut loose - apparently I've forgotten how to cut loose. 
33. Kiss in the rain - Yes, I think. I can't remember exactly. I think it was more of a drizzle. 
34. Plan and save for Marc's graduation trip - welllllll, this is another story. Let's make it to graduation and then we'll go from there. 
35. Buy a swimsuit and wear it - Done! 
36. Do something awesome for Marc's 18th bday
37. Go to Reno for the Santa Pub Crawl in December - nope. again, not sure I remember how to cut loose!
38. Go to my 20 year class reunion
39. Go to Chozu Gardens in Ashland - I read some reviews and eh, I think this is coming off. 

So, I accomplished some. Didn't accomplish others. And I've not decided what to do this year. 

I'll be 40 in December. It feels like I should really do something grand but I can't decide what. So.....leave me a comment and help me decide what I should do in 2015 to celebrate the big 4-0......

38 x 38 - Create a Website

Last Fall, I enrolled at our local community college to earn my certificate in Web Design and Marketing. It's been 20 years since I attended school and I wasn't a shining student. But I'm older and wiser and I've been yearning to actually complete something.

So off to school I headed. It's been fun. It's been challenging - between working full-time and the kids, it's hard to find time to get my school work done.

All in all, it's been rewarding. And I've created my first website. It's hosted on our server so it's not "live" per se. . . I am not sure I'm going to actually keep it so I've got to think about that. If you'd like to see it, you can view it here.

I should get my certificate in just a few more months. And with just a couple more terms than that, I could have my degree in Business so I think I'll just continue on.

Feeling proud!

All Mixed Up and Sideways

I broke the news with you a few weeks ago that I was going to be a grandma and it's been a roller coaster of emotions since.

At first, I was so upset. Not mad but maybe a bit disappointed. My son is a senior and we've talked often over the years about doing things the "right" way.

That lasted about two seconds because...well, let's face it...there's not much I can do about it now. So then I quickly moved on to acceptance. Ok, let's make a plan.

And acceptance led to joy. I mean, c'mon, it's a baby. Marc's. Jyni's. It's family. Flesh and blood.

Joy led to dreams as I envisioned the things I would knit. The quilts I would make. The clothes I would buy. The toys I'd gift.

And then the unthinkable...Jyni started to have some troubles. Signs and symptoms I know all too well, intimately. Signs of a miscarriage.

Bam, bringing back some memories there. I had one heck of a time getting pregnant between my two boys. Actually, I got pregnant just fine. I had a hard time staying pregnant. And my heart broke each time.

So as I tried to help this young woman through it, I hurt. I know timing was terrible (senior year, 18, young, new relationship) but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

And man, it's really hard watching Marc go through it. He's upset. He's trying to cheer her. He's just trying. But he hurts.

So I'm not going to be a grandma in April and Marc and Jyni won't be parents. And I hope they do the things they need to stay young and carefree just a little longer. There's plenty of time for grown up things...arguing over bills, being broke, doctors appointments, who's going to get up for the 2 a.m. feeding, finding babysitters, and arguing over what kind of car they want/need. Say a little prayer for my family please:)

Grandma - Say What????

I've lost track of the number of times Marc and I have had "the talk." I always figured it would be his dad that had the talk but nope, it was me. We talked STDs. We talked pregnancy. We talked love and marriage and babies and such.

I scared him. Do you want AIDS?

I explained. Pregnancy doesn't ruin your life but it sure makes it more difficult.

I took the high road. It's important to be a good boyfriend and eventually spouse.

I've shared my own struggles as a "too-young mom" - pregnant at 19, unwed.

I've been honest, straightforward.

And now I'm going to be a grandma.

My son is 18 and a senior in high school. His girlfriend is 18 and graduated in June. By the time he turns 19 and before graduation, he'll be a dad. She'll be a mom. And I'll be a 39 year old grandma.


Deep breath.

I'm not the first person in this situation but boy did I feel alone when he first told me. Of course, my initial thought was "Oh s$**" while my mouth said, "Ok, what's the plan?" Because really at this point, what else can I do? Support and love them.

And get excited. I always wanted to be a grandma (at like age 60). Instead, I will be a youthful grandma with lots of energy.

Now my role has changed a bit. Now I find myself reminding him of the responsible decisions. Don't call into work or school. You need to first, graduate and second, get to work. It's weird to guide a boy through pregnancy. It's not about how should he be eating and to keep exercising and to rest often. It's about offering support. Being a good boyfriend. Being there for her. Saving money. Making a plan.

In essence, I'm helping my son go from being a great man to being a great (basically) husband. And planning a wedding for next summer. Making room for momma to move in and baby eventually. Guiding. Mentoring. Teaching. And trying not to meddle (big surprise, I might be THAT mom).

So in essence, now that the shock has worn off. I'm thrilled. It's exciting really. It's going to be bumpy and rocky but it'll all be ok.

Back to School

Marc - first day of Senior Year

I love fall. Back to school. Football. Leaves changing. Boots. Jeans. Sweaters. Cool, crisp mornings. I love it.

This year, Marc is a senior. I teared up a little when I realized I was taking his last "first day of school" photo.
Marc has disliked school from day one and it's been a chore to get him to this point. He's so smart. Hates school. I can't wait to watch him march in his cap and gown.













Then there's Nate who absolutely loves school. He's a big 5th grader this year. Couldn't wait to see who was in his class and what his teacher was like.










Of course, Fall means that I'm spending my time with football. Awwwww, love!! While at practice, I've discovered the best hobby - knitting!!! Portable, fun, and functional!! I made a super cute Ducks colors scarf to wear to Nate's games! Go Ducks!!!

A Family Tradition

Sitting around the campfire. Telling stories. Eating together. Walking the woods. Hunting. This is a family tradition. I'm proud of my youngest son for carrying on. He passed his hunter safety class this past weekend.

He sat through hours of instruction, had to actually demonstrate safe gun handling, and pass a test. Of course, as a family, we've discussed gun and hunting safety often over the years.

Our community's hunter safety was full so we actually headed to the coast to make it happen. It was a great way to get out of town, celebrate the end of summer, and of course, accomplish his goal.

The field day (live demonstration) was held in a small town at a community center that had once been a school. The community has turned it into a library/community center. After an hour or so of waiting (bored), one of the organizers let me in on a secret...there was a hiking trail with falls. So I set out to see what I could discover.

Well, lo and behold... it was in fact a waterfall. These used to be a state park but the road caved in this past winter and it's shut down, barricaded. But the nice Sheriff's deputy I ran into said it was fine to park and walk up.

It was a gorgeous walk. Easy. It's fun to be somewhere different. Here in Klamath we have gorgeous pines, mountains, sagebrush....head to the coast and there's ferns, huge gigantic trees, and thick underbrush. Here in Klamath it's 90 degrees, there it's 58.

Of course, you saw my post earlier this week so you know I spent some time on the beach and at Shore Acres. On the way home, I surprised Nate with a trip to the Wildlife Safari in Winston, Oregon. My grandparents lived in Roseburg while I was growing up and a trip to the Wildlife Safari was in the cards each year. I was excited to take Nate. You can walk through a certain part and it's sort of like a zoo. And then you can drive through and even feed the animals. It's worth it if you're in the area. The pics aren't great but here are a few:

The boys pose in front of the safari bus

you know when you're taking a photo and it turns out funny???

a bear in the mud

the giraffe

These little guys came right up to the car

You could buy food to feed them

All in all it was a great trip!

Camping on the Oregon Coast

A steep and dramatic cliff overlooking a rocky shoreline. Dangerous waves washing away the rocks. A small
picturesque house and beautiful gardens blooming with roses, dahlias, bamboo, and trees. It's romantic and tragic. . . at least that's the way I've always seen it. My grandparents used to take me to Shore Acres when I was young and I always thought it was hauntingly beautiful. Gorgeous and sad.

A few years ago, I read A Gathering of Finches which is the story of Shore Acres. It affirmed the gorgeous and sad truth of the park. The woman gives up a marriage and her only child for an affair. Her affair has his own secrets. They discover money can't buy happiness. If you decide to go to Shore Acres, read the book.


At any rate, the gardens are beautiful.

 We walked through the park and Nate even stopped to smell the roses.

The house is nestled in the middle. Not huge, not pretentious, just a cute little house. There was a wedding getting ready to happen. White chairs filled the lawn, tuxedo-ed men walked in and out looking nervous, wringing their hands. Photographer was setting up equipment.



















We also spent some time on the beach, going through tide pools. So fun.

We camped at Bastendorff Park which was a good place to stay. Clean. Well kept. The showers were a bit dated but we had a great spot.

And who doesn't love a good campfire....

It was a great way to wrap up a summer!

A Klamath Weekend on $20

I nearly always feel that I'm a terrible mom because I can't afford big elaborate vacations. Silly right? I mean, if you as a friend were telling me that, I'd tell you that you were silly and that your kids were lucky. But yet, that's what I do....worry it over and over and over.

This year, I planned to do the Grand Canyon. Well,  it didn't happen. I've worried it over and over. And then I accepted it. My son helped.

About a month ago, I woke Marc up on a Sunday and said let's go hike. So we grabbed his girlfriend, packed some water and a few snacks and headed to Crater Lake.

Crater Lake is about 50 miles from where I live. It's in our county and is Oregon's only national park. Millions visit from around the world each year. I've gone in the winter, fall, and summer and it doesn't matter what season, it's breath-taking.

It was a gorgeous day. The lake as usual was the most brilliant blue. The skies were clear. It was very warm but not too bad. We drove around the lake, pulling over to the viewpoints and gazing down at the water.

We decided to hike to one of the waterfalls. It was beautiful and I had never been to it before.

It was there that I heard Marc telling his girlfriend how I always took him to do stuff and how awesome it was. He wasn't complaining that I don't take him on elaborate vacations...he was bragging because we go do so many cool things together. I heard him telling her that I take him to places he's never even heard of.

Hm, maybe I'm doing something right.

It helps that we live in an amazing place with lots of natural beauty as well as other things to do. Things like Crater Lake.



It helps that I work for the Chamber and so get to know some cool little things and know some pretty cool people. So when my niece and nephew came for a visit, I was able to do some pretty cool things on a very small budget.

Paige holds a 3day old ostrich

The kids hold ostrich eggs that weigh
between 3 and 4 lbs each

For example, through the Chamber, I met a woman who runs an ostrich farm. She invited us out to see the babies.

Really, how many people can say they've done that? (By the way, if you're ever in Klamath, you can do this too. Just check with the Chamber and they'll tell you all the cool stuff).

They're a funny looking bird

Then we spent a fair amount of time swimming. Our local pool is the Ella Redkey Pool. It's geothermally heated and is an outdoor pool open year round. It's gorgeous with gorgeous grounds and beautiful blue water, and a big blue slide.

The kids swimming at the Ella Redkey

We got to see a baby ostrich hatch

Then we went out to Malin to the city park. It's nestled in trees, it's a huge park, and has a great play structure. We drove out there on a Sunday and were thrilled to find they also have a pool and that it was open.

The kids at the Malin pool

Nate dives

playing in the park

 The pool was nearly empty so they kids almost had it all to themselves which they loved. The skies were dark and it rained a bit but still, they swam.

Anyway, long story short. I live in an amazing place filled with fun things to do for a small amount of money. The kids had a great time, we created some memories, and I got to see lots of smiles on their faces.

39 x 39 - My 20 Year Class Reunion

I really debated about going to my 20 year class reunion. High School wasn't a terrible time for me but it also wasn't great. I had low self-esteem. A terrible boyfriend. Struggled with my parents divorce. And almost worst of all, split my time between two high schools hours apart.

My freshman year I attended Burns High School. Home of rednecks and cowboys. I wanted to be in a city and instead, mom had moved us to Burns - population 3000-something.

My sophomore year, we moved to Prineville. Slightly bigger but still full of cowboys and rednecks. I was there my sophomore, junior, and almost my whole Senior year.

In April of my senior year, a spot of trouble (said with an English accent to make it sound cooler), had me moving back to Burns to graduate.

So to say I feel disconnected from either school would be an understatement. I am often jealous of the people who have ties with folks they went to high school with. Or the people who had an awesome high school experience. And I've learned that a great high school experience doesn't have anything to do with popularity but it has everything to do with being an active participant. My friends who played sports, were in band or drama club or dance team or mathletes - they have the best memories. Bus trips. Friendships.

I was the girl who didn't do anything. I was too self-conscious to even participate in the spirit days during our homecoming weeks. I scooted through hoping to not be noticed. I didn't get picked on or anything like that - I just didn't get noticed.

Ok, so it's been 20 years and I still have no idea how that happened. But I decided to go. I'm glad I did. It was fun even if no one knew who I was. Even though the only photo they had of me was from freshman year when I went to winter formal with Ben Hoffman and I HATE that photo.

It was fun to hear what everyone had been up to. So mark it off my list, I did it. Here's a couple of photos:

A "gorgeous" glamour shot from my junior year.

My senior photo. Great hair!

 Winter formal with Rodney my sophomore year.

The photo on my name tag was freshman year. 

Here's our group today. 

I had to make a pitstop at the High School for a photo:

 I can say I'm glad I had lost all the weight I have. Look pretty good, right?? I will say I think I've gotten better with age. LOL

It was fun and worth going to. I think I can skip any future ones. haha