Monday, March 18, 2013

38 x 38 - Complete a Charity Walk

My life could probably be defined by all the things I haven't done because of fear. Fear of failing, fear of being last, fear of not being good enough, fear of succeeding, fear of someone laughing at me. . . I could go on and on. 

Nowhere is my fear more evident than when it comes to things of the physical nature. I was raised believing that I was the smarty, nerdy, bookworm daughter while my sister was the fun, cute, sassy, and athletic one. I was clumsy and have always struggled with my weight while my sister is daring, agile, and thin. I quit volleyball because I wasn't as good as everyone else. I quit cheerleading because someone might see me and laugh. I don't run because I'm not graceful. I don't like to lift weights because I make faces when it becomes heavy. blah blah blah

In effort to let go of my fears, Completing a Charity Walk/Hike ended up on my annual list. I don't do these things because A) I'm afraid I'll be last, B) I'm afraid as I walk across the finish line the entire crowd will be laughing at me and calling me a fat a$$, and C) um, did I mention everyone might make fun of me for being last. 

Putting my inner wimp/whiner away, I brought out fearless me (she's a work in progress) and signed up for Klamath Union High School's Run for the Music which I can proudly say I completed! Now, technically, my list said I wanted to complete the walk in faster time than my last one but I have to admit that I don't remember what my time was last year when I did the Wounded Warrior 5k but I know it was right around the same time. I completed this 5k walk in 1 hour 2 minutes. 

Technically, this means I completed "half" this item because I need to push myself to do a little better. Now that I have a benchmark, I've selected my second *gasp* charity walk - the annual Pear Blossom Run in Medford Oregon on April 16th. So my goal will be to beat 1 hour 2 minutes. I've got this

Oh! Before I forget....about those fears.....
A) I was last but honestly, only because the group behind me that I fought to stay ahead of took a short cut at least a quarter mile ahead of our turnaround spot. Dang it!! Actually, truth be told, it became less about that the further I walked. 
B) The crowd was not laughing at me as I passed the finish line but the band WAS playing a triumphant little tune. 
C) No one made fun of me. At least not that I heard and honestly, I felt so good when I was done that it didn't matter. Who cares, everyone has to start somewhere. 

Wish me luck on the next one! 

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