Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Took a Deep Breath and I'm Back

It's easy to get so focused on the negative that we forget all the positive. For example, I beat myself up a lot for the things I think I've done "wrong" - you want examples?

  • divorced....twice
  • my oldest son's rocky relationship with his dad
  • my oldest son's absent bio dad
  • the fact I don't have a lot of money and sometimes have to tell my kids no
We'll just stop there. 

As my regular readers will know, life threw me a curveball when Roy (aka bio dad, aka first husband) appeared after more than a decade's hiatus. I retreated, took many many many deep breaths, prayed, and allowed myself to feel every stupid emotion that came with it. And I'm coming out on the other end feeling pretty good about me.

Here's my realizations:

My divorces weren't all my fault - it takes two. My life would be very different had I stayed married and not in a good way.

Marc's relationship with his dad is not my fault. As a matter of fact, I've encouraged him to try. I've tried to give his dad some help. I've done what I can and will continue as appropriate.

Roy giving Marc up for adoption was a good thing, the right thing, and Roy had more than enough opportunities to be in his life.

It's okay for kids to hear no to requests for money and material things once in a while.

I'm not the same person I was 18 years ago when Roy and I married and I'm thankful for that!

Oh I could go on and on but I won't. I will say it's very weird to reconnect after more than a decade with someone you were intimate with. On one hand, your head knows they'll have changed (for better or worse) but with a decade's absence, you still think of them the way they were x number of years ago. It's surreal. It's also interesting the way memories have changed. I remember something he's forgotten and vice versa.

Anyway, enough of that. Life's good!

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