Swimming As My Exercise of Choice

I want swimming to be my exercise of choice. It's easy on my joints. It can easily be a lifelong exercise option. It feels good. I actually enjoy it. It's total body.

But I can't. Or rather, I haven't figured it out yet. True to my 40x40 list, I jumped in. I bought a one-month pass and I set out to become a svelte, sculpted mermaid. I'm still more like a whale.

I lasted a week. I enjoyed it once I was there. But the effort to get there took work. Change clothes, put on swimsuit, take off swimsuit, put clothes on. That's a lot of dressing/undressing for a girl who dresses in the morning, jammies in the evening, dress again in the morning. That's like two whole steps of dressing/undressing.

Then there was the showering....Shower in the morning, shower before the pool, shower after the pool, shower again in the morning. That's a lot of water wasting during a drought.

Then there was the weight gain. How can one person cut their calories, swim for 45 minutes, and GAIN weight? Waterlogged? Am I like a sponge soaking up the water so that I weigh more?

Anyway, I gave it a shot. And I actually plan to give it more of a shot but I need to figure out the way it works best in my schedule. I know I need to do something and truth be told, no matter what I choose, I'll have excuses. It's about cutting the excuses long enough to let something become an enjoyable habit. Wish me luck (and give me tips if you've incorporated swimming into your routine!).

Stop the Boat!

There's no earthly way of knowing 
Which direction we are going. 
There's no knowing where we're rowing 
Or which way the river's flowing. 
Is it raining? 
Is it snowing? 
Is a hurricane a blowing? 

Not a speck of light is showing 
so the danger must be growing. 
Are the fires of hell a glowing? 
Is the grisly reaper mowing? 
Yes! The danger must be growing 
For the rowers keep on rowing. 
And they're certainly not showing 
any signs that they are slowing!

To say I've been busy is an understatement. Truthfully, I don't know that I'm any busier or slower than the next gal but man, I feel run down but also energized. Weird. 

So I thought a quick check-in was in order. 

First, weight loss - c'mon you knew I'd start there. I've lost 100 lbs! 100 lbs! That's like a small deer. Or a Great Dane. Or an adult goat. It's a lot of damn weight. You can read a little bit about how I celebrated here on my weight loss blog. I'm purposely not posting a comparison photo - I have something big in mind;) 

Second, Marc. Oh my delightful wonderful 18 year old. Two proms. That's what. Two? Yes, two. Ok, really thankfully he's a boy and so I didn't have to do much. Except rent two tuxes, remind him the girl needs a corsage, make him get his hair cut, remind him the importance of shower and cologne, make sure he has something nicer to drive than his geo, hound him all day that he better stop by for photos....yeah, easy! But look at how handsome this young man looks and how beautiful his date is. 

Marc and Jyni

Jyni, Marc, Jenni, (can't remember his name, how sad), Haley, and Alec

They're so handsome!

If you know me, you should not be surprised I love me some prom. I wish there was prom for adults. I LOVE LOVE LOVE an opportunity to dress up. Formal gowns? Yes please. Makeup? uh, duh! Hair? Oh yes! I don't have girls though so again, read my role of a prom parent above. However! I did get a chance to do hair and makeup for prom. My great friend (and author!!) Chrystal was dealing cards at prom. I did her hair and makeup. I'm a genius but really it's easy when you have such a beautiful natural canvas. You can see the photos here. Chrystal pointed out that I could go to prom as a chaperone...Marc would hate me. 

School. Of course, there's school. So far I'm stuck in a database class. It's like being stuck in hell. The only bright spot is that it's about to be over. The database part anyway. Now I get to move on to video...watch for my video debut in the next few weeks. 

And lastly, the wedding. It's coming up quick. I've got my bridesmaid dress (remember, sunbeam yellow). I've got a great tan going on. Yikes, and I'm not even the bride. I'm looking forward to it. Photos soon!

Oh and speaking of that wedding, there's something else big coming that weekend. Marc's bio dad. My first husband. It's been well over 10 years since we saw him and he's meeting us in Portland. I'm excited for Marc. He and Roy (bio dad) are both so excited it's cute. Really. Cute. Yeah, that. I'm on the fence. On one hand of course I'm excited for Marc and Roy. I'm also a little "mama bear" and he better not screw up. And of course, there's a weird part of me that just wants to make sure I look fantastic that weekend - eat your heart out. haha. So yeah, a little busy around here. Happy days!!

39 x 39 - Be On Stage

I added "Be on Stage" to my annual bucket list with a bit of hesitation. I'm an introvert. I've learned I'm not shy but I'm definitely not the stage type. I prefer time alone or with a couple of good friends. I am inside my head a lot. I think before I speak. I'm not an attention-getter. 

So I added "be on stage" and then wondered how I'd make it happen. I freeze in front of a ton of people. 

Imagine my surprise when this was one of the first things I accomplished. Although, it feels a bit like I'm cheating so if the opportunity arises, I may do this one twice. . . 

At our Annual Awards Gala, the president of my Chamber surprised me with the President's Choice Award. He presented it to me on stage and I had to walk out to accept it. I'd like to say I was completely composed and said something brilliant. Instead I said, "I told Chip I wouldn't get on stage." Then I caught my breath and thanked the wonderful people I work with, our board, the folks who volunteer on my committees, and all our Chamber members. 

Then I walked as quickly as I could off that stage in 4.5 inch heels. 

It feels good to be recognized for what I do but it also feels a little funny. It's my job. But I do put a lot of my heart in what I do. 

Without further adieu, here's me accepting my award:

And because you've followed my weight loss journey, I have to post this picture. This is me one year ago at our Gala and this year's gala. What a difference!!

On Learning to Love My Body

Yes, I'm here to talk body image issues again. Is it getting old yet? Keep reading because what I have to say is going to

blow
your
mind.

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you'll know that I (like scores of women around me) struggle with body images. I could point out every single dimple, wrinkle, stretch mark, gray hair, odd colored mark, birthmark in a wrong place......blah blah blah. Every compliment you give me will be returned by a self-administered insult.

"You look pretty," you'd say.
"Thanks but you must not see these bags under my eyes," I'd say.

"Your hair looks great," you'd say.
"Except for this gray streak I haven't covered," I'd say.

So on and so forth. . .

Trust me, I have a list of things I think are wrong with the way I look.

But!

Shhhhh.....

I am harboring a secret and when I realized it, I was ashamed! I felt guilty. I have sat on the knowledge of this secret for about two weeks before getting the courage to tell you. . . As a matter of fact, I'm ready to chicken out now.

Here it is....

I'm sexy and I know it. (wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah....sorry had to). 

Deep breath, my secret is out. 

Here it is....my guilty secret....

I spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror, especially with all my recent weight loss. I look in the mirror in the bathroom, my full length mirror by my closet, and even my reflection in windows if it catches my attention.

And I like what I see.

The other day, I stood in my bra and panties in front of my full length mirror and admired my curves. Yes, you read it right. I was admiring the heck out of those curves. Glad I have them. And my other parts look pretty good too. I have nice shaped legs, a decent rear-end, and I really like my shoulders and collarbones. My wrists and hands are sort of graceful and taper nicely. My waist goes in a little and then my hips go out a little and it's a pretty good combination if you ask me. I'm a little soft and curvy and I really really like it. As a matter of fact, I stood the other day in matching black bra and panties and thought to myself that I was looking pretty sexy and I certainly wouldn't kick me out of bed. My legs are nice and shapely. Actually for my height (I'm short), my legs are a little longer than most (yes, it's possible, my torso is a little shorter and my legs are longer than someone else who's 5'5").

(oh and since we're sharing secrets here.....I suddenly have a fascination with lingerie because I look dang good in it. I don't care if no one will see it, actually maybe that's better. it's all for me. I want garters and stockings and pretty tights and bras in every color and a drawer full of pretty panties. . .I love it).

go ahead and gasp now. . . there's more....

I like my face better than I did at 18. I'm beautiful. I have gorgeous skin and pretty eyes. My lips are definitely my favorite facial feature; although I like my nose too. My skin glows. I have some cute little freckles across my nose and cheeks. I have a smile that will make you smile too....seriously, the one compliment I get over and over is my smile. I have nice cheekbones. And really great hair (thanks mom). It's thick, soft, and straight.

What am I saying?

I'm hot. I'm sexy. I'm beautiful. I'm kind of cute in a grownup way.  

So you're probably thinking that this is me practicing the power of positive thinking, right?

You're wrong. I really truly think that about myself.

And now you think I'm conceited and full of myself, don't you?

You're wrong.

And there's my aha moment....

We are programmed to find fault in ourselves. As women, we're told we should have confidence but we're also told to not be conceited or think too highly of ourselves. There's a list of "rules" - don't spend too much time in front of the mirror or we're vain. Focus more on our inner strengths (a good one too but then society tells us how important looks are so we must find balance).

Rules rules rules....and all it adds up to is someone like me.

Someone who stands in the mirror liking what she sees and then remembers she's not supposed to feel like that, so she begins pointing out her flaws.

Instead of seeing great curves she sees a stomach that sticks out too far for a bikini
Instead of seeing beautiful skin, she sees stretch marks, veins in the wrong places or scars
Instead of seeing graceful limbs, she sees fat
Instead of seeing bright eyes and a terrific smile, she sees wrinkles at her eyes and the corners of her lips
Instead of seeing a head of gorgeous hair, she sees the streak of gray at the front

because she's been raised to.

And instead of saying thanks to your compliment, she worries she's vain so she points out something that's wrong.

And instead of appreciating herself for herself, she compares. "I don't look like her, or her, or her."  Pretty soon she wishes for someone else's haircolor, skin color, waist size, thigh size, breast size, and on and on and on. And pretty soon, she's envying other women instead of celebrating her own beauty.

And pretty soon, it's become a habit. And as quickly as the "damn you look good" pops in her head, then the "but look at that extra bulge on that thigh" pops in and that leads to "and if only you didn't have that stretch mark right there" and then that leads to "if only my thighs didn't touch" and it just continues. . .

So there's the truth of it. . . 

I actually think I'm beautiful......

It's not vain. It's not egotistical. I'm not arrogant. I don't think I'm "all that." I don't think I'm prettier than you. I don't think looks are everything. I don't think I'm "God's gift" to anyone. 

I'm me. I'm beautiful. I'm hot. I'm pretty. I'm cute. I'm sexy and I know it. . . 

Fit with Heather

I've created a new blog to focus on my weight loss and fitness tips, recipes, that sort of thing...it'll leave this one free to focus on my annual bucket list.

I've actually turned my 39 before 39 list into a 40 by 39 - I've agreed to complete five 5ks and one 10k with my good friend Stacy. We started things off with a warmup.....we did the Hangover Handicap on New Year's Day. Now to find the most interesting run/walks in the area......

My new blog if you want to follow along is http://fitwithheatherkf.blogspot.com/

Hope your year is starting off right.

38 x 38 - Best Shape in 10 Years

Every year on my bucket list, I end up with "lose xx pounds." One year it was 50 lbs. One year it was 30 lbs.

This year, I changed it up and didn't add an amount. I just wanted to "get in the best shape I've been in in 10 years." I figured that way even if I only lost 10 lbs, I had won.

So in May, as you know, I started Take Shape for Life. My health coach worked with me, I started reading Dr. A's Habits of Health (highly recommend) and I started losing weight. I lost 10, then 20, and before I knew it, I had lost 50 lbs. And I kept going.

I now weigh less than I have in 17 years. And I'm only 15 lbs away from my weight when I got pregnant with my oldest son eighteen years ago. That is significant because it's also the last time I remember liking my body.

So without further adieu, let's mark that one off the list and show some pictures:

So, the stats are....I've lost 80 lbs and many many many inches!! I think I can call that a success. I have about 40 more to go. Sweet!!

As we head into resolution season, I'm happy to help you reach your goals. Let me know if you want to know more!

Thankful #8 - A Smaller, More Energetic Me

Today I'm thankful for my health coach Valerie Picard and Take Shape for Life. As of this morning, I've lost 70 lbs! I can't even believe it.

I have more energy. I'm liking the way I look. And I can't believe I waited so long to do it.

And thanks to all my friends who have had to endure my constant weight loss bragging!

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

As a fat girl, I was willing to accept less than what I deserve.

Less happiness, less love, less success. 

When I started this weight loss journey, I knew my waist size would change, I didn't realize how much my life would change with it. 

I remember when I learned I was fat. I was 11 or 12 at Girl Scout Camp. I had long blonde hair, great grades, the best of friends, a huge crush on Josh (dreamy dimples), and hadn't given much thought to the way I look. The first night at Girl Scout camp, we had to choose our own nicknames. I couldn't decide....I still to this day have a hard time describing myself. I wanted the right nickname, the perfect one. I wanted it to be one I'd be happy to wear on our little necklaces around our neck. We all sat around helping eachother. My mom and the leaders helped - they suggested heart breaker, cutie pie, etc for my sis. When it turned to me, they suggested Chubby, Chubby Buns, and later I remember a joke about Fatty Fatty Two by Four, Can't Fit Through the Kitchen Door. I love my mom - she was being funny and trying to help in her own way. After that, she used to tell me to "suck in my gut." I realized I was bigger than the other girls my age. 

Fast forward a few years and my parents were divorcing. By now, I was interested in boys for real and "knew" I was too fat for most of them. We'd meet my mom's friends and they'd say "Oh Tara, we've heard so much about you. You're beautiful. You'll be a heart breaker for sure!" Nothing about me. I knew it was because I was overweight, listened to obnoxious loud music (everyone else listened to country), and you wouldn't catch me on the back of a horse for anything (you guessed it, I grew up in cowboy-ville). 

Of course, now I'm older so I know that's a very adolescent look at things. 

But as an adult, I've struggled with my image and things I've convinced myself are truths:

• I'm shy.
• I've got big bones and so will never be really small.
• I'm not athletic.
• I'm physically challenged (won't run, not really into 'exercise')

Of course, there are also the things I don't say but I show through my actions:

Primarily, I'm not worthy of a good relationship. I'll take what I can get. I "learned" a long time ago that men always leave because of the way you look. That's all changing now. 

But I'm smarter, older, wiser, and of course slimmer and things are changing - rapidly. 

My waist size is getting smaller while my outlook is getting bigger, brighter. 

Here are a few things I'm learning:

• I like me. Seriously, some people can annoy me but I'm the one person I can count on. I'm funny and I have some good conversations in my head when I'm alone! 
• I'd rather be alone than unhappy. 
• It's time for someone to work hard to be in my life. 
• I'm not really all that shy. I'm an introvert and like my time alone but I'm not exactly shy. 
• I want adventure. Not bungee jumping, skydiving (although that may turn up on next year's list hee hee) - but travel, experiences. 
• I am capable of managing my finances (this is huge, I'm usually a wreck when it comes to money matters). 
• I'm not challenged physically - I've just never tried! 
• I still have a lot of life left! Honestly, I've spent a few years wondering what's left and wondering if I've wasted my best years!
• I've let fear dominate too much! I'm worried I won't succeed so why try? I don't try if I don't think I'll be at the top. 

Of course it helps that I now have the energy and confidence to try things! 

It's for these reasons that I'm really enjoying being a health coach. It's so fun to watch people post photos and talk about fitting into smaller clothes but then I start hearing stories like mine, or people coming off medications, or leaving bad situations. It's amazing how a small change can make a big difference! 

I'm sure I'll learn more as I go along. I have 60 more pounds to lose so I'm sure there will be more and more that I discover about myself. 

Perhaps a Little Vain

 I have two things to write about and I can't decide which I'm more excited about. I decided to start with me...yep, all about me. Because guess what....I've lost 60 lbs!!

60 pounds!!

wait, did you catch that? 

I've lost 60 (six-zero), 60 pounds!!

Let's take a look back. 

Above are photos of me when I started this new program with Take Shape for Life. I had little energy and was pretty unhappy. I had lost my love of fashion years ago and was starting to avoid certain functions or events for fear I'd be the biggest person. 

Now, I've lost 60 lbs and I'm going to brag a little. While I have 60 more I want to lose, I feel dang good! Just take a look:

I'm loving the way I feel. Full of energy, full of life, and fashion is fun again!! 

I'm loving being a health coach. Right now, I'm coaching about 10 people to reach their optimal health. I love being their cheerleader and watch them make healthy choices and reach their weight!!

Now let's talk about the kids....

Now about Nate....Nate is starting center on his football team. He's the youngest and worked hard to earn that position. He's had an awesome year!! We've teased him about his bright, neon colors. He's doing a fantastic job and I'm so proud of him playing with so much heart!!

Upper left: nate plays center (see his arm), Nate's crazy colors, Zach in the middle as homecoming prince, Emily in her game, Zach and I after they beat Phoenix, and Nate and I before his game where they killed the Beavers!!

Now to Marc - He decided to not play football. At first, it broke my heart but I have to respect his decision. He's 17 after all. But here's where I brag....Marcus has ALWAYS struggled with grades, barely squeaking by with d's. I just got his first semester report card and he has c's and better. He even has two a's and a b!!!! So proud of this kid. Two weeks ago, being the cool mom I am hehehe, I took him out hunting and within two hours he had his tag filled. We took his good friend Alec and boy was I glad!!

These boys cracked me up. I had a really good time out with them!

So you could say we've been a little busy around my house. 

Oh, one more thing...to celebrate my 60 lbs, I bought those red high heels that were on my annual bucket list:

I'll be rocking these red heels with my red lipstick and my new size 14 (yikes, 14!!!) gray slacks. 

Rent-a-Dress? Gwynnie Bee Review

As I lose weight, I'm finding fashion fun again. But on a limited budget, it's impractical to buy a ton of clothing that will only fit for a few weeks. I've been using our local consignment stores and thrift stores to get buy but I also want to reward myself with some new stuff.

Not to mention, I'm starting to want to stand out instead of blend in. So when I read a post about Gwynnie Bee, I was intrigued. You subscribe and they send you designer clothing to try, wear, and return when you're finished. Interesting right??

Clothing without commitment, they say.

1. So first, you create an account and then look through their selections. Dresses, skirts, and shirts. . . in sizes ranging from size 10 to plus sizes up to 32.
2. You add anything you want to try to your "closet."
3. They ship you three of your selections (at least that's the "plan" I'm on). (No shipping charges)
4. You try them on. Wear them to work, on a date, at play, or wherever you desire then send it back (and they pay for the return shipping).

Seems perfect for someone like me. So far, I've received 9 articles of clothing and have loved all but two (and I even wore them). I even liked one enough that I inquired about buying it! Yes, you can try then buy at a fraction of the cost for new.

Here are a few photos:

This was the first item I received. It's a polka-dot shirt. Loved it! It was high quality, well made, and fit really well.

I've always avoided polka dots. I liked it.

Here's another item. It's a bright pink pencil skirt. I almost sent it back because I was too afraid to wear it but I wore it Monday and got so many compliments. I felt great in it. Professional. (and if I'm honest, a little bit sexy). I think a pencil skirt will be one of my buys in the near future. This one ran a little big otherwise I might just buy it.

I loved this more than I expected. 

Now if you find you love something, they'll sell it to you for a fraction of the cost. Pretty cool right? I almost bought this one:

I rarely wear print, and rarely wear color. I think I should have started on the chevron trend a while ago!

While I've loved almost everything, I think this one below was a fail (good thing I get to return it, postage paid):

boxy, too big, and dowdy. Reminded me of a elementary school teacher wearing a jumper

It's brown with tan and white polka dots. It was extremely well made but way too big, made me look bigger, needed a belt, and had no shape. Boo!

And then there was this one (below). Eh. Didn't love it, didn't hate it. It was okay. It fit well and was supposed to be flattering but it bunched up weird around my middle (you can see it in the photo) and I think made my look a little poochier (I think it's a word).

Eh, not good, not bad. I actually got compliments. I think I really don't like this picture ha

I've received 9 items in three weeks to wear and send back. It's been really fun. I've enjoyed exploring looks I never would have tried before.

My Un-Official Review:

Pros:

• Fun! Loved getting so much mail that wasn't bills.
• The clothes are awesome quality and probably nicer than what I purchase on a regular basis
• For someone like me who is in transition and losing weight, it's been a great and affordable way to enhance my wardrobe.
• TONS of choices!
• Fast delivery
• No shipping charges, no return shipping charges
• Great customer service (I complained about the time it took to ship my first shipment and they responded quickly with a resolution!)

Cons:

• I found it affordable at $79 for the month but there are months that might be a little tough.
• You can't pick what to send next (I'd love a feature that allowed you to "queue" what you wanted next)

If you sign up, read the reviews on the items. They were pretty accurate as far as item runs big or item runs small, etc. 

(PS - if you're looking for a gift idea, I'll take a gift certificate from here haha).

Try Gwynnie Bee for one month for free!

Sporting a Swimsuit in Public

Last year as I made my list, I added "Take Nate to a Waterpark" with much hesitation. Weighing in at much closer to 300 lbs than was comfortable, I didn't fully expect to make this one happen.

While Nate and I both love the water, I definitely lack the confidence to wear a swimsuit in public.

And my first and only waterpark experience (nine years ago) had left me somewhat traumatized. Nate was nine months old when we left him with a babysitter to take Marc to the waterpark. I felt huge. We arrived at the waterpark to find out that I couldn't wear my flipflops, I needed watersocks instead. So as we left for Walmart, my then-husband let me know just how unhappy he was with me for this. If only that was as bad as it got. I was going to share the story but now that I'm here, let's just say my confidence took probably the biggest hit ever that day (and I should have foreseen the end of our marriage). Oh well. . .

I reviewed my list last week and figured this weekend would be my last chance to cross that milestone off. And having lost 50 lbs (yay me) I decided to give it a shot. I would be lying if I said I wasn't anxious, nervous, and worried. I tried to talk myself out of the trip three million times.

But we went.

And we had a FANTASTIC time! I had no idea a waterpark could be so much fun. It feels like you are traveling down tubes at the speed of light before plunging into the water....your stomach in your throat the whole time! Nate thanked me about three million times for taking him. We raced down the water slides, we relaxed in the lazy lagoon, we tubed down the Cyclone (aka the toilet bowl according to Nate). We braved the Avalanche. We avoided sunburns. We ate ice cream. We laughed and played. Nate slept the whole way home.

What I didn't do was take any photos. My camera and phone aren't waterproof so no pictures of all our fun. But I am going to share this (warning....you're about to see a grown woman in a bathing suit). Why am I putting this out there? Because I'm amazed at my progress so just deal with it (and be kind, I realize I'm not going to be invited to pose in Sports Illustrated any time soon)....

First, let me remind you what I looked like the end of April:

And here I am 50 lbs less in a bathing suit. . .

Don't ask me why I have my sunglasses on. Let's pretend it's like the little boy in Big Daddy, I'm invisible as long as the sunglasses are on. haha

I did discover that unless you are a) cute and can pull off a bikini or b) really huge and THINK you can pull off a bikini, no one is even looking at you. A mom of average size (size 16 thank you much) in a black one piece with black shorts really is nearly invisible. hahah

So back to what's important....my favorite youngest son....Nate. This was sort of our last "hurrah" before school started.

Today he started 4th grade. Yesterday I asked him if I could meet him at school (he was with his dad this morning) or if he was "too cool" for mom to show up. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "Mom, I'll never be too cool for you." It made me grin even though I know this may be the last year he wants his mom showing up on the first day to take his picture as he sits at his desk, looking handsome and grown up.

What a handsome kid!

Have a great day!

Getting to "Normal"

I stood in the middle of my favorite local clothing store with a big goofy grin and excitement coursing through my veins.

For years, I've walked to the two or three racks of clothing marked 'For the Curvaceous" and looked through to find something I liked marked either XXL, 3XL, or 22/24.  Out of habit, I went to these racks and started to browse. Then it dawned on me that I'm not that size anymore. So I grabbed the XXL, big looking XL and 18/20s and headed to the dressing room. Nothing looked right. And it dawned on me that perhaps these were also too big!

I almost left. Too afraid to spoil my high by trying on "normal" sizes only to find they didn't fit. But then I thought, WTH? Let's give it a shot. So first, I tried on a pair of size 16 slacks. Imagine my surprise when they fit. Then I tried on an XL dress. And it fit. Then I tried on a XL shirt...and you guessed it, it fit.

OMG. This is a huge day for me. I haven't been able to shop the "normal" sizes in at least 10 years. Yes, I still have some clothing that is considered "plus" that fit. And yes, there are people who would tell me that an XL and 16 are still plus size. I don't care. I feel great!

I feel great enough I thought I'd bore you with one more before/during shot. I say during because I have 50 more lbs to lose to reach my goal. But man, I'm totally bragging....look at these results!

A Note: I have discovered there are very very few pictures of my whole body before. I avoided the camera so bear with me while I show you my "before" shots....I had to dig them up where I could.

First up, on the left is me the day I started this diet. Yes, I'm wearing clothes that are a  little revealing on purpose but look at the difference!!

Now, probably a more fair observation. On the left, here I am taking a picture in the mirror on a day I thought I looked good. Then of course, me on the right today!

For the record, I've lost 42 lbs! I've gone from a 22/24 to a 16/18.

38 x 38 - New Recipes (#8 and #9)

Cooking for the people I love is one of my favorite activities. This weekend, both boys were home and all felt right in my world (Marcus was gone for a month working and Nate was with his dad). 

I decided to try a couple of new recipes to celebrate. I hope you enjoy!

Pork Carnitas

I found this recipe on Allrecipes.com but I made some modifications. 

2 tbsp olive oil (the original recipe called for 1/4 cup of vegetable oil)

4 lbs pork tenderloin, cut into large pieces (original recipe called for pork shoulder)

3 tbsp kosher salt

1 onion, chopped

1 clove garlic, minced

3 tbsp lime juice

1 tbsp chili powder

1/2 tsp dried oregano

1/2 tsp ground cumin

4 cans of chicken broth

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Heat oil in large dutch oven over high heat. Season pork with salt and arrange in dutch oven to cook until browned on all sides (about 10 minutes). Add the onion, garlic, lime juice, chili powder, oregano, and cumin. Pour in the chicken broth and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and continue to simmer until pork is tender (original recipe said 2.5 hours, I did it for 1.5). Transfer pork to a large baking sheet, drizzle with small amount of cooking liquid. Bake until browned, about 30 minutes. Drizzle cooking liquid every 10 minutes, use two forks to shred the meat as it browns. 

This was delicious and worth the effort!! 

I served it with rice and a homemade "salsa." For my salsa, I chopped 4 tomatoes, 1/4 of a sweet onion, added cilantro, a touch of salt, and a dash of apple cider vinegar. Stir it up and let it sit for 30 minutes or so. 

I didn't have tortillas to serve with it so I looked online and found a recipe! 

Homemade Tortillas

I've made tortillas before a long time ago (my first husband's sweet grandma taught me). However, they were made with lard and I remember them being time consuming. When I stumbled on this recipe, I thought I'd give it a shot!!

2 cups all purpose flour

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup warm water

3 tbsp olive oil

In a large bowl, combine flour and salt. Stir in water and oil. Turn onto lightly floured surface, knead 10-12 times, adding more water or flour as needed to achieve a smooth dough. Let rest for 10 minutes. Divide dough into 8 pieces. Roll each into a 7-inch circle (or in my case, as close to a circle as you can get, maybe a triangle? Square? lol). Heat a large non-stick skillet and spray with cooking spray. Cook tortillas over medium heat for one minute on each side or until lightly browned. Keep warm until ready to serve. 

I didn't eat these (it's not on my eating program) but my boys LOVED them and begged for more. I can say they were probably the easiest thing I've made in forever!  

For my meal, I added a side salad and then served the meat and salsa over roasted poblano peppers. This isn't a new recipe but roasted poblano peppers are one of my all time favorites!

Roasted Poblano Peppers

Set your oven to broil. Line a baking sheet with foil. Spray your peppers with cooking spray on all sides. Put on baking sheet and broil about 5-10 minutes on each side. The skin will get dark and bubbly (doesn't need to be completely dark but you'll notice the "skin" coming up, you want it to look like that so you can peel them). Remove and place in a bowl for 20 minutes. Remove the skins from the peppers. Remove the cap and the seeds. Voila, done! I put my pork on these peppers with the salsa on top and a tbsp of avocado. Super delicious. 

38 x 38 - 12 New Recipes (#5, 6, and 7)

I've been looking for new recipes to incorporate into my new eating plan and I have a few great ones to share with you:

Roasted Cabbage Steaks
I got this idea from Pinterest and then adapted it just a little. Look here for the original recipe. These are my very minor changes:

• Slice the cabbage into 1" thick steaks. 
• Brush lightly with olive oil (I used about a 1/2 tsp on each "steak"). 
• Rub the steak with fresh garlic, sprinkled on salt, pepper, and lemon pepper. 
• Bake at 400 degrees in the oven for 30 minutes. 

These were delicious and super easy. Rob even liked them and he doesn't care much for cabbage. 

Cauliflower Bread Sticks

Another pinterest recipe! This was delicious - I'll definitely make it again. I will say don't expect it to be exactly like breadsticks obviously but still wonderful and delicious! 

1 cup raw grated cauliflower 

1/4 cup egg substitute

1 cup shredded light mozzarella

garlic salt and italian seasonings to taste

Preheat over to 350. Mix cauliflower, 1/4 cup egg substitute, and 3/4 cup shredded mozzarella together in a bowl until combined. Line a 9x5 loaf pan with parchment and lightly spray with Pam. Pour mixture into pan about 1-1/2 inch deep. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes or until set. Lift the edges of the parchment and place bread with parchment onto cookie sheet. Carefully use a spatula to lift the edges of the "dough" off the parchment and flip the dough. Bake for an additional 15 minutes at 450 degrees. Take out of oven and using a pizza cutter, slice strips through and separate slightly. Spring with seasonings and the remainder of the cheese. Bake at 450 for 10 more minutes until cheese is melted. 

Lemon Parmesan Kale Salad

Surprise, surprise...another Pinterest find! This was soooooo good too. Definitely worth trying:

3 cups chopped fresh kale
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp dried thyme
pint of salt and pepper
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan
1/4 cup toasted bread crumbs (optional, I obviously left them out because of my program)

In a large bowl, whish together olive oil, lemon juice, thyme, salt and pepper. Add Kale and parmesan  (and breadcrumbs if using). Toss until kale is coated. Serve immediately.

Three delicious veggie recipes worth trying!! 

12 Week Celebration

Today I celebrate twelve weeks on the Take Shape for Life program and I couldn't feel better. I've lost 38 pounds so far and I have more energy than I could have imagined. I posted photos last week so I won't bore you with more but I'm amazed at my continued progress.

In fact, I'm so impressed and passionate about my experience, I took the leap and became a health coach! I'm not a salesperson and I hate being pressured so I won't pressure you but should anyone be interested in learning more about my experiences, I'm happy to share! You can visit my new Take Shape for Life website here.

This weekend I'll take my measurements. I am thrilled to have gone from a size 24 to between a 16 and 18. I'm so close to being under 200 pounds that I can hardly stand it!!

11 Weeks and 35 Lbs

In 11 weeks, I've lost 35 pounds using Take Shape for Life and Medifast. I'm feeling great. I'm super busy so I can't post all the wonderful things but I'm really excited to share my photos.

Here's the photo I posted to show my progress at 6 weeks. I had lost 27 lbs at this point.

On the left when I started, on the right, at six weeks - down 27 lbs

5 weeks after that and I've lost 8 more pounds. I feel great. I will say I've been under a huge amount of stress so I bet I would have gained more than that if I hadn't been doing this program. Here I am today:

11 weeks, down 35 lbs!

Just have to keep going!

38 x 38 - 12 New Recipes (#2, #3, and #4)

I come from a long line of great cooks and I often (jokingly) blame them for my waist size.

Grandma Joyce

My maternal grandma ran a school kitchen back when food was made from scratch. They peeled potatoes, made the bread, stirred the soup....they did it all. Potato soup, the best homemade rolls you'll ever bite into, and fried elk steak with gravy......yummy! Grandma Joyce's food is all comfort and love.


I swear my paternal grandma was from the South although sadly, I'm not sure. She passed when I was a freshman (maybe a sophomore) and I hate to admit I didn't think to ask back then. There's some secrets that I'm not sure of but that's an entirely different story. But Grandma Carmen could cook the best fried chicken, potato salad, collard greens, and green beans with bacon that I've ever tasted.

My mom can make anything. I was one of those lucky kids who grew up with almost everything from

My mom in the middle at last year's fish dance

scratch. You wouldn't find a box of hamburger helper in our kitchen nor a boxed cake mix. We lived on a tight budget and my mom knew how to stretch it and still make great, delicious, healthy, nearly gourmet food.  Give my mom a bottle of cheap whiskey and she'll grill up the best drunk steak you've ever eaten (no my mom isn't drunk, the steak is!). Meatloaf is great for dinner but the next day for a sandwich....delicious. Pies, cakes, cookies....yes, mom does it all.

My dad and his wife

Then there's my dad who does all the cooking in his household. I've never seen my dad follow a recipe. Oh, he'll glance at one here and there but then he takes out this, adds in that, doubles this.....you get the picture. He cooks like me. His food is spicy...he lives in New Mexico and is definitely influenced by jalapenos, Hatch green chilies, and other flavors like cumin and chili powder. He's the one who could win Iron Chef - give him 10 ingredients that don't match and shouldn't taste good and he'll make it happen.



Which of course bring me to me. . . I consider myself a pretty darn good cook. I can follow a recipe and have it turn out. I also do like my dad and never follow a recipe exactly. Comfort food, spicy food, baked...I'm pretty good at it (except bread...I give up). I again jokingly blame my waist on this.

So now I'm learning to eat better (by the way, 30 lbs lost in just 7 weeks woot woot!). So I'm trying a lot of new recipes and I thought I'd share a few with you. These are delicious and pretty healthy (just try it!!)

Cauliflower Fried Rice
This was delicious and I found it on....you guessed it, Pinterest. It was delicious. I liked it alot but I will say it's not EXACTLY like rice. I couldn't fool my kids with it. 

- 3 cups of grated raw cauliflower (use a cheese grater or food processor)

- 1/2 cup frozen peas

- 1/2 cup carrots, thinly sliced

- 3-4 garlic cloves, minced

- 1/2 cup onion, diced

- 1/2 TBSP olive oil

- 2 eggs (or 4 egg whites) scrambled

- 3 TBSP soy sauce

1. In a large pan, saute garlic and onions in olive oil on a medium/high heat, until onions become soft and transparent. (about 2-3 minutes)

2. Next add in peas, and carrots and cook until carrots begin to soften and peas are heated through, about three to four minutes

3. Next stir in scrambled eggs , cauliflower and soy sauce. Cook stirring frequently for about 5-7 more minutes. 

Chickpea and Tomato Salad with Fresh Basil 

I tried this a while back (before the diet) and it was soooo super yummy I can't wait to have it again. 

• 1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
• About 1 pint grape tomatoes, halved
• 25 large basil leaves, chopped
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 2 tsp olive oil
• 1/2 tbsp honey (10g)
• pinch of salt

Toss all ingredients together and chill for at least 20 minutes, allowing all the flavors to merge.

White Wine and Soy Marinade For Chicken

This recipe boasts that it's the best marinade for chicken ever and after trying it, I might just agree! It's sooo delicious! A couple of my own notes: the recipe called for bone-in, I used boneless because it's what I had, the recipe says marinate overnight but I only had two hours, and I added garlic (see I'm my dad). Oh and I made my chicken into kabobs with lots of veggies. 

¼ cup grapeseed oil

½ cup soy sauce

½ cup white wine, nothing fancy (I used chardonnay)

2 teaspoons Italian Seasoning

1 teaspoon paprika

In a blender, combine the grapeseed oil, soy sauce and white wine, Italian seasoning and paprika. Blend on high until your marinade looks creamy and well combined. 

In a zip lock bag, place all chicken pieces and pour the marinade in. Massage it around so that all of the chicken is coated with marinade. Seal the bag and marinate overnight. Now grill

I highly recommend all three! 

6 weeks, 27 lbs, 16 inches!

Six weeks ago yesterday, I was stressed out, had no energy, and didn't like what I saw when I looked in the mirror. My clothes were tight, nothing was comfortable.

It's been six weeks (and one day if you're being exact) and let me tell you how much can change in that short little time:

• I've lost 27 pounds. 
• I've lost 4 inches from my chest. 
• I've lost 7 inches from my waist (7 inches!!)
• I've lost 5 inches from my hips. 
• I have sustained energy throughout the day! 
• My clothes are baggy, some even unwearable!!

Wow, what a change. I can tell you that I'm still stressed out! But I think if I hadn't started the program I did, those numbers could very well have gone the other way. I could have gained 27 pounds and 16 inches! 

I am so excited I had to share! I've struggled with my weight my whole adult life. I remember when I hit 200 pounds and thought, "That's it! I can't believe I weigh 200 pounds and there's no way I'll be more!" Then I hit 225, and 250 and we don't need to go any further....

I've always used a basic calorie counting method. Less calories in, more calories out. And then I lose weight, my clothes get a little lose and I get excited, thinking I look great, and then I start not paying attention. 

So six weeks ago, I started Take Shape for Life (using meal replacements five times a day and eating one lean and green per day). I sort of felt like I was cheating. I worried that when I stop with the replacements, would I be able to keep it off? Will the food taste good? Will I feel deprived?

So far my experience has been wonderful and I think the thing that makes this program a little different is the awesome book and workbook that goes along with it. Through the book (and I still have a ways to go), I started to think about what I REALLY wanted. 

Pre-TSFL (pre-take-shape-for-life) - I would set my goals based on feeling better. No real goal, I just wanted to feel and look better. The problem is...once I looked better and felt better, I stopped. That could be with just 10 or 15 lbs lost

After-TSFL - I've begun to realize that I want an active, adventurous lifestyle. My kids are growing up (Marc will be 18 next year) and there's this whole second half of my life staring at me. I want to be healthy for Nate and Marc but I also want to be an active, healthy person after 40 and as I approach 50. 

• I want to be climbing mountains, not into a hospital bed. 
• I want to be exploring things around me, not exploring the best way to deal with disease. I want to wear cute clothes. 
• I want to take my kids to a water park and not worry they'll be embarassed to be with fat mom.
• I want to enjoy food but not have food control my life. 
• I want to be an inspiration to my kids and hope they never deal with obesity like I do. 
• I want to be 80 and still out for my walks.....
• I could go on and on.....oh the dreams we could dream. 

Pre-TSFL - I had no energy 45 minutes after waking. Oh I'd pull myself up when I had to and do the random 5k walk but in general, I couldn't wait to get through the day and watch some tv. 

After-TSFL - My energy levels stay pretty high and steady all day. Now I go home and put on my walking shoes and take Nate and the dog for a walk. 

Pre-TSFL - I hated the way I looked in the mirror.

After-TSFL - I realize I have a ways to go but I'm starting to like it. It's exciting to see results. 

You'll probably hear more about my journey going forward but I'm just so excited. I really don't like these photos of me but I had to show the progress and these are the photos I had:

On the left, I pose at my work's Annual Awards Gala. I actually felt pretty that night. A little fat and lacking confidence but felt like I looked good for my size. 

On the right, a friend took this picture in the office yesterday on my six week anniversary. I hate my hair in it but can you tell a difference?? (PS - in a photo like this what the heck do you do with your hands??)

Thanks for letting me share! 

I'm fat but it's okay

I'm fat. There's really no way to sugarcoat it.

For years, I've justified it like this:

• but it's okay because I can still do what I want to do. Maybe a little slower but I can still do it.
• but it's okay because it doesn't keep me from enjoying life.
• but it's okay because for someone my size, I look pretty good. 
• but it's okay because I'm starting a diet on Monday (or after Christmas or after Thanksgiving.....)
• but it's okay because I don't wear spandex
• but it's okay because some guy thinks I'm sexy
• but it's okay because I'm not one of "those" fat people

Oh, I'm sure given enough time I could go on and on and on. 

But it's not okay. 

• I have no energy
• It does keep me from things like taking my kids to the water park or going dancing
• My body aches if I do more than I should (I still do it but pay for it later)
• I want to be beautiful and not "beautiful for my size"
• I worry about the health risks 

So I decided to do something about it. The few times I've been mildly successful (meaning 20 lbs of weight loss), I kept it off for a bit and just counted calories. I followed the "eat less, walk more" philosophy. Then the weight would slowly creep back on. 

So thanks to my mom and an early birthday present, I started Medifast/Take Shape for Life exactly one month ago today. I resisted a bit because it feels like cheating. Plus I hear all the time about "what are you going to do when you're not eating their food anymore....." But I gave it a shot. 

Warning: the images you are about to see could be scary. You could have nightmares. You've been warned. 

One month ago, I weighed in at 270. If you'd asked me beforehand I would have told you probably 240. I hadn't weighed myself in years. 

Today I weight 250. I've lost exactly 20 lbs in one month. Amazing! 

I'm sure the program isn't for everyone but I can tell you these are my favorite things about it:

• I have energy all day long. I don't have the afternoon or late morning slump
• I'm rarely hungry
• Most of the foods taste good (I will say I have some I hate like the oatmeal and several of them I had to give a second shot)
• The book that goes along with the program is a HUGE help. It really helps me work through and make the right decisions (more about that later). 
• Right now my life is STRESSFUL so I appreciate not thinking about it. I grab four items, put them in my bag, and I'm ready for the day. No more trips through fast food. 

I'll share some of the things I'm learning as I go along but for now let's get to those pictures (I'm really embarassed for these to be on the internet) but look at the difference in JUST one month:

The thing that cracks me up in this one is that in the "before" shot
 I was sucking in my stomach so it wouldn't be so bad!!!

I still have a LONG long long long way to go but just look at that. More later....have a great day!