Remembering 18

It was a bright and sunny day - June 3, 1994. I was eighteen and ready to take on the world.

On this day, I would receive my diploma - a symbol of accomplishment, completion, and freedom. I was proud of having completed all twelve years from kindegarten to my Senior year without any (major) hiccups.

I was looking forward to my newfound freedom. Freedom from teachers. Freedom from homework. Freedom from parents. I would be free to do what I want, when I wanted, and with who I wanted. No parents telling me it was past my curfew. No teachers marking my tardies or absences. The world was mine!

Recieving my diploma

As I walked up to get my diploma, the only worry on my mind was trying not to trip as I crossed the stage and which party to go to after graduation. Just look at the smile on my young face.

 Years of math (which I failed), English and History (the only classes I excelled), and drama were over. We were finally adults.

After the ceremony, all of us proud graduates walked out - feeling changed. Older somehow. Certainly wiser. Hopeful definitely. And I can't speak for everyone but I was ready to kiss my parents a respectful goodbye and get on with the rest of my life.

I posed for photos afterward, making sure to glance around for my friends occassionally (I didn't want them to leave for the party without me). A few "old" people tried to give me some advice that sounded like "blah blah blah, I'm old....blah blah blah." What did they know? I was about to make my own way in this world.

Me on the right with my sister and dad after the ceremony

Hmmm, if I'd only known then what I know now. The things I would have told my 18 year old self.

Like freedom from parents maybe but now you answer to a boss...who can fire you...who can make your life miserable.

Like how easy high school was compared to college.

Like how much different it is to be an adult and responsible for the choices you make.

Anyway, fast forward to 2012. A couple of Sunday's ago, Rob's oldest son Alex graduated from high school. I giggled as I listened to EVERY valedictorian talk about their newfound freedom. Freedom from parents, freedom from teachers...yeah, you get the picture. I loved the innocence. I loved their hopeful speeches about changing the world and making money and "becoming someone." I watched them and hoped they all would accomplish their dreams. And if they didn't, I hoped they'd discover new dreams.

At right (and above a little) is a shot from graduation. A sea of red and white. You could feel the energy from these young men and women as they waited for this ceremony to be over. I imagine some were thinking of that night's parties. Some were thinking of taking off for college, curing diseases, etc. I imagine some of them were wondering what the hell they were going to do now.

And here's Alex with Rob afterwards. For nearly 30 minutes, this young man stood smiling for photos. He was gracious and respectful but you could feel the "get me outta here" vibes pouring off him.

Proud dad stood by his son, grinning ear to ear at the accomplishment. Also feeling a little sad that his "little" boy had grown up. I think a little worried about the future too.

Just the week before, Alex had informed us he had enlisted in the Army. In troubled times, I think that's a hard thing for parents NOT to worry about. What if he goes to war? What if what if what if.....But as a parent, you step up and support. I have only known Alex a year but I'm really proud of him. When he explained why he made the decision, I wanted to applaud. He put a lot of very grown up thought into his choice. In the year I've known Alex, he's had many dreams. A guide in Alaska, the Coast Guard, a civil engineer....and a few others I can't remember. He wants to see the world. He knows the Army will help pay for his education...freeing him from substantial student loan debt.

As someone who loves him, I'll worry. I can't even imagine how much Rob and his mom worry. But I support him, applaud him, and without a doubt will count him in my prayers. He leaves for boot camp in January. It'll be interesting to see the man he is when he gets done. Congratulations to all the 2012 graduates! The world is yours!

My Journey to 37 (An Update)

You may remember I made a list of 37 things to do before I turn 37. This month marks my halfway mark and so I thought I'd check on my progress. All I can say is.....GAH! I better get busy!

Without further adieu, here's my progress (or lack thereof):

• Write a hand-written letter with a card to one person every month - Yippie! I can say that I have managed to do this. I'll admit sometimes it takes a while to write. We're so used to giving a thumbnail version that can fit in Twitter or Facebook that it really takes some brain power to write a letter. Worth it though!
• Watch two classic films - DONE! Patton was a film done in 1970 about (you guessed it) General Patton. I learned some very interesting things about Patton such as he believed in reincarnation. The film shows Patton wearing all his medals. I had to research that a bit and I learned that while those medals were exact replicas of the ones he actually received, Patton never wore them all at once except on one occassion - a photo he posed in for his wife.  Some Like It Hot starred Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, and Jack Lemmon. It was pretty funny. Two musicians witness a mob hit and then disguise themselves as women to hide out.
• Read 35 books - I'm well on my way. I'm up to 17 books read! I'll blog my reviews later.
• Climb Hogsback - DONE. And man oh man, that was a workout.
• Be a better friend - I'm not sure if my friends would agree but I have made a point to get together more often with my friends for lunch, coffee, or breakfast.

Here's everything on my list I haven't done:

• Visit Shasta's lavendar fields
• Visit my dad
• Visit Cheya in SF
• Try White Water Rafting
• Try kayaking
• try five new vegetarian recipes
• take the kids to the Oregon Caves
• take the kids to an amusement park
• take Rob to Sumpter Days
• Take a watercolor class
• take a dance class
• spend the night in a cabin
• Revive passport nights
• make tamales
• Make sushi rolls from scratch
• learn to make pasta
• Learn about my camera
• Hunt for sunstones in Lakeview
• Hunt for opals in Lakeview
• Go to a play in Ashland
• Go somewhere romantic with Rob
• Go on at least one camping trip
• go for a ride on Rob's bike on a summer evening
• fit in a day of crafting at least once a quarter
• do a charity walk/hike
• complete the photography challenge
• buy a pair of red high heels
• Begin my own sourdough starter and make bread
• be a better friend

No more time to re-visit. I've gotta get busy!

Mother's Day

Oh, Mother's Day! The one day a year that we set aside to honor our Mothers. This year, my boys treated me to a day of doing nothing. They forced me out on the deck in my lawn chair to read a book. They let me have control of the remote. They doted on me. And then they cooked me dinner.

But they didn't just make me dinner. I mean they did every single step of making me dinner under Rob's direction.

Marc sauteed the onions and garlic.

Nate poured in the wine and tomatoes.
They let it simmer.
Marc sliced the portobellos. Nate brushed them with olive oil.

They dumped in lobster, shrimp, and lots of other seafood to fix cioppino. It was delicious!!

Then the boys made me the best brownies ever!

It was truly a fantastic Mother's Day. Love these kids!!

Lemonade Dreams

The boy wants a Kindle Fire.

My youngest son Nate has been diligently saving every penny, dime, nickel, and dollar since January 15th to buy himself a Kindle Fire. He loves to read (here he is below with his school award for meeting his reading goals).

He saved the $90 in birthday money. He saved the $2 he got from Great Grandma to go get an ice cream on Valentine's Day. He saved the 50 cents he found when he cleaned out my car.

He decided to not spend his money on a Wii game. He decided against purchasing more toy cars. He's avoided toys at the dollar store.

He's been counting down in his head until he gets the $199 to purchase his Kindle.

So two weeks ago, he came home and wanted to do a lemonade stand.

On Monday, I said, "Yeah, maybe one day this summer." I left it that thinking he'd forget.

On Tuesday when he remembered, I said, "I'm not sure people buy lemonade at stands anymore and we don't have family here."

On Wednesday when he woke up begging me again, I said, "I'll look at my schedule and see when we can do it."

On Wednesday, he came home from school, pulled a chair up to the table with a stack of college-rule lined notebook paper. He sat for 2.5 hours writing out 35 flyers to hand out. He left a big blank area for me to fill in date, time, and location. He wrote in his best handwriting and drew pictures on each and every hand-written flyer.

On Wednesday night, I caved. After all that hard work, it was evident I was committed to helping him with a lemonade stand.

We chose Sunday from 10 a.m. to noon. I purchased the lemonade. Rob brought the "coolest pitchers ever" - according to Nate. I borrowed a table, grabbed my tablecloth, and we made a couple of signs. I created a private event on Facebook to invite all my friends.

Sunday morning, we set up. I tried my best to prepare Nate for the worst. "Honey, we might only make a few dollars and we're only staying here until noon, ok?"

He had $32 to reach his goal.

He set up on the corner and waited (not very patiently). I have to admit I'd buy lemonade from this cutie.

It was slow going and he was getting disappointed. I told him he should wave at cars and smile (everyone likes a friendly, cute, outgoing kid). By 10:15, Nate had his first customer (and it wasn't a friend or family member, it was a complete stranger):

She paid 50 cents for her cup of lemonade and gave him a 50 cent tip. He had the biggest grin. He just knew the $32 was in sight.

It was a little slow but then the church crowd got out and from 11 to noon, Nate's little stand was filled with people dressed in their Sunday best.

Many older people smiled and shared stories of how they missed little lemonade stands.

Many, many people commented that they'd watched a show just the night before where Glen Beck was talking about how the lemonade stand was disappearing for good and with it, the entrepreneurship of our country.

And nearly everyone told Nate what a great thing he was doing saving his money. He even had one lady hear his story and come buy just to give him $5.

All in all, Nate spent two hours pouring lemonade and talking to people. He made $41.20 (after he paid me back $6.00 for ice, lemonade mix, and lemons - cost of business).

He also learned important lessons:

• With hard work, we can achieve our goals.
• If we're willing to save, you can have the things you want.
• Smiling and waving (being friendly) will draw the customers in.
• Quality control is important. I was proud to see Nate not serve a couple of cups of lemonade because a speck of dirt had gotten in the glass.
• Manners are important. It was fun to hear him say Please, Thank You, and May I offer you a glass of lemonade.

Problem is now, he's trying to figure out how to repeat his success. Only this time, he's decided he should dress up in a lemon costume and dance. Oh yes, I will capture video.

Off to take Nate to buy his Kindle Fire......

Sun, Speed, and Soldiers

About four months ago, I was notified at work that I had been selected to participate in an ESGR trip. ESGR stands for Employer Support of the Guard and Reserves. We have an active base here that trains F-15 pilots. They are our third largest employer and to say we are a patriotic town would be an understatement.

In recognition for their support, about 20 of us were treated to an overnight stay in Tuscon, Arizona. Our transportation from Oregon to Arizona was this beautiful KC-135.

Now maybe some of you have travelled aboard one of these "luxury" liners but let me help those of you who haven't. First, you'll notice there's no luxury. True to the military style, everything has a purpose. There's no real bling on this liner. I arrived expecting cargo net seats but was pleased to find they put chairs just for us.

So on a regular commercial flight, it's all prettied up. The pretty little lights signify the exit, yadda yadda. Not so on this plane. A warning is a warning - it's stated plain as day.

Anyway, we said goodbye to 42 degrees and headed up into the clouds. We were going to get treated to something special. About an hour into our flight, these beautiful visitors stopped by to say hi:

After they posed for photos, they took turns coming to the back of our plane for refueling. We got to lay down in the boom and watch the refueling. It was fascinating. I'm amazed at what the guy in charge of this is able to do. He basically uses two controllers similar to a joystick and lines everything up perfectly. Here's the operator.

Here's our first visitor for refueling:

Notice how close to us he is to our plane. We could darn near make eye contact. Well hello there flyboy:) Now back to the guy who refuels, he has to line up this thing (shown in the photo below) with the plane (shown above) to refuel.

He does this all while flying at warp speed in a circle. With me on one side taking photos and asking a million questions. He's a superstar!

We landed and got a tour of one of Tuscon's Air Force Bases. We got to stand out on the runway and watch the jets land:

And take off (that's our bus):

The next day, we were treated to a trip through the boneyard. The place aircraft go to retire. To say it's huge is an understatement.

We found a row that contained several planes from home

I'd like to add we also got to fly in their state of the art simulators...the only place we weren't allowed to take photos. After taking my plane underground, I recovered and was able to land it (sort of). I don't think pilot is in my list of available occupations.

We had a great time and I learned alot about the Guard's role in our communities. The men and women who serve were gracious and friendly and willing to answer questions. I'm so honored to have been able to go! Hope you enjoyed the photos!

The Boy Who Stole My Heart

Sixteen years ago today, my life changed in ways I never could have imagined and I fell hopelessly, completely in love with the cutest dark haired boy I'd ever seen. As soon as our eyes met, I knew it was forever!

I was 20 years old and I was finally able to hold the baby I'd carried for nine months. Marcus was my first child and while I knew I'd love him, I had no idea how much and how instantly that would hit. Anyone who says that love at first sight is not possible has never been a mom.

I've thought about what I'd write today to share with you.

I thought maybe I'd write about how Marcus came to be. (A short-lived relationship with a dark, brooding, tattooed man on a motorcycle).

I thought I'd list all the things I love about Marcus. (it's a damn long list)

I thought I'd tell you all his amazing qualities and the nice things he does and how much he cares for others (and has every since he was born).

I could tell you about his name and how I couldn't decide until he was three days old (after he was born William Patrick just didn't seem to fit, I had to come up with alternatives)

I thought I'd share a picture and show you how handsome he is (unfortunately the girls think so too, ugh)

I thought I'd share a few embarassing but heart warming stories (like the time he stood in the bathroom door at McDonald's naked screaming for Mom). Yeah, he'd kill me:)

But none of them seemed quite right.

You see, sixteen years ago today as I lay in the hospital, exhausted from labor, I was scared. Terrified that I would never been good enough for this boy. I didn't feel worthy of this blessing and I was scared to death that I'd screw it up.

For nine months, I worried about labor. Would it hurt? Would he be ok? Would he have ten fingers and ten toes? Would I be able to nurse? Would I need a C-section?

But as they placed him on my stomach, that all fell away. I mumbled something and that little baby's blue eyes looked up at me. The books I'd read informed me that he couldn't see very well. But I swear, when he heard my voice, those eyes looked up at me like he recognized me and I knew I was a goner. I'd never be the same! It was also the very instant I knew there was God. I just remember thinking over and over that there's no way he could be explained by science alone!

Marcus was beautiful, with a headful of dark thick long hair. My heart would feel like it was breaking or exploding every time I looked at him and thought "He's mine."

Marcus and I went home three days later and I used to sit and look at him, marvelled at how wonderful it was to be his mom.

And that's what I've done ever since. I look at him now, grown up and I'm still amazed that I'm his mom. I still don't feel worthy. I still worry whether or not I've done a good job.

I worry if I've instilled the right morals and values. I think I have but he's now at the age for those things to be tested.

I worry about whether or not I've taught him all the important things in life.

I knew my life would change when the baby was born. What I DIDN'T know what how much my life would change when Marcus arrived.

Marc has taught me about the important things in life.

Enjoy each day. Too many times, we're so focused on the future that we don't realize the milestone happening today. When our babies sit, we want them to crawl. When they crawl, we want them to walk.

Laugh often and deeply. It's okay to chuckle and enjoy a joke but when was the last time you belly-laughed? Marcus taught me that.

It's about the experiences. We all want our kids to have things and lord knows they'll ask for them. But it's the experiences that count. I can buy Marc an Ipod, I can buy him video games, but the thing he remembers is the time we spent together.

Love unconditionally.

Be a good person.

Yep, my life changed for sure. For the better. Forever. This boy came in and stole my heart. Happy 16th Birthday Marc!

Easter

To me, Easter has always felt hopeful. It's always made me think winter is shaking off the greys and the world is coming back to life with pinks, purples, green, and blues. After months of snowy wintery wonderfulness, I'm ready to move on to flowers blooming, baby animals in the fields, and all the beauty of spring.

I'm ready to put away the heavy coats and sweaters that I loved months before and bring out the flouncy skirts, colorful pretty tops, and sandals.

My cravings for potatoes and cheese and heavy comfort food is quickly replaced with cravings for asparagus, fresh fruit, and more water.

The best way to describe it is Change! I think it's the Sagittarius in me. I really get bored and like to change things up and that's what Spring is. Changing the landscape, the weather, and the "feel" ....

out with the old, in with the new. That's exactly how this Easter felt.

Out with the old (Blonde):

Me and Marc at the Los Lonely Boys Concert middle of February.

And in with the new (dark):

Me, yesterday

So my Easter weekend started on Saturday. My good friend Renee (also my fabulous hair dresser) helped me get a new look for Spring. While my hair "processed" she gave me a manicure and after my hair was done, we did a moisturizing facial. It was a great way to start the spring!

On Sunday, we celebrated Easter with the kids. This is where I admit I'm an awful scrapbooking mom. Can you believe I didn't take a single picture all day long (except this one of my cheesecake):

Yes I know. I win mom of the year.

It didn't work out for us to have all the kids at the same time. So in the morning, we had Easter breakfast with my kids from another mother....Alex, Zach, and Emily. (Don't be offended, I think it sounds better than stepkids). I made Eggs Benedict, hashbrowns, fruit salad, and a Dutch Baby.

If you haven't tried a Dutch Baby, I recommend it. It's super easy and super yummy. It's sort of like a pancake and a crepe. I serve it with fresh fruit, dusted with powdered sugar. Here's my recipe:

Dutch Babies

2 eggs

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup sifted all-purpose flour

1 pinch ground nutmeg

1 pinch salt

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar for dusting

1. Place a 10 inch cast iron skillet inside oven and preheat oven to 475 degrees F (245 degrees C).
2. In a medium bowl, beat eggs with a whisk until light. Add milk and stir. Gradually whisk in flour, nutmeg and salt.
3. Remove skillet from oven and reduce oven heat to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). Melt butter in hot skillet so that inside of skillet is completely coated with butter. Pour all the batter in the skillet and return skillet to oven.
4. Bake until puffed and lightly browned, about 12 minutes. Remove promptly and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

After breakfast, Rob and I had a little alone time. Then my boys, Marc and Nate, were home. We got to have dinner together. I made ham, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, and broccoli. For dessert I made Chocolate-Glazed Coconut Almond Cheesecake from my newest Taste of Home Magazine. That's the picture above. It was delightful. Here's the recipe:

Crust:

1-1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs

1/3 cup flaked coconut

1/3 cup finely chopped almonds

1/3 cup butter, melted

Filling:

3 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened

3/4 cup sugar

1 tablespoon coconut extract

3 eggs, lightly beaten

1 cup flaked coconut

Glaze:

1 cup (6 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips

3/4 cup heavy whipping cream

1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Toasted shaved coconut and chopped almonds, optional

Directions

• Place a greased 9-in. springform pan on a double thickness of heavy-duty foil (about 18 in. square). Securely wrap foil around pan.
• In a small bowl, combine the cracker crumbs, coconut and almonds; stir in butter. Press onto the bottom and 1 in. up the sides of prepared pan. Place pan on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 12 minutes. Cool on a wire rack.
• In a large bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Beat in coconut extract. Add eggs; beat on low speed just until combined. Fold in coconut. Pour into crust. Place springform pan in a large baking pan; add 1 in. of boiling water to larger pan.
• Bake at 325° for 45-55 minutes or until center is just set and top appears dull. Remove springform pan from water bath; remove foil. Cool cheesecake on a wire rack for 10 minutes; loosen edges from pan with a knife. Cool 1 hour longer. Refrigerate overnight.
• For glaze, place chocolate chips in a small bowl. In a small saucepan, bring cream just to a boil. Pour over chocolate; whisk until smooth. Stir in vanilla. Cool slightly to reach a spreading consistency, stirring occasionally.
• Remove rim from pan. Spread glaze over cheesecake. Refrigerate for 1 hour or until set. Top with toasted coconut and almonds if desired. Yield: 12 servings

So Yummy! FYI - Taste of Home is my most favorite recipe magazine. It's always filled with recipes using ingredients I have and filled with tips and things I didn't know. It's really affordable too. If you haven't received an issue, click here and sign up. It's definitely worth it! Oh and they have a great special offer right now - only $5 a year for any one of their three magazine. Their Healthy Cooking magazine is one of my faves!!

Hope you all enjoyed your Easter.