Friday, September 26, 2014

All Mixed Up and Sideways

I broke the news with you a few weeks ago that I was going to be a grandma and it's been a roller coaster of emotions since.

At first, I was so upset. Not mad but maybe a bit disappointed. My son is a senior and we've talked often over the years about doing things the "right" way.

That lasted about two seconds because...well, let's face it...there's not much I can do about it now. So then I quickly moved on to acceptance. Ok, let's make a plan.

And acceptance led to joy. I mean, c'mon, it's a baby. Marc's. Jyni's. It's family. Flesh and blood.

Joy led to dreams as I envisioned the things I would knit. The quilts I would make. The clothes I would buy. The toys I'd gift.

And then the unthinkable...Jyni started to have some troubles. Signs and symptoms I know all too well, intimately. Signs of a miscarriage.

Bam, bringing back some memories there. I had one heck of a time getting pregnant between my two boys. Actually, I got pregnant just fine. I had a hard time staying pregnant. And my heart broke each time.

So as I tried to help this young woman through it, I hurt. I know timing was terrible (senior year, 18, young, new relationship) but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

And man, it's really hard watching Marc go through it. He's upset. He's trying to cheer her. He's just trying. But he hurts.

So I'm not going to be a grandma in April and Marc and Jyni won't be parents. And I hope they do the things they need to stay young and carefree just a little longer. There's plenty of time for grown up things...arguing over bills, being broke, doctors appointments, who's going to get up for the 2 a.m. feeding, finding babysitters, and arguing over what kind of car they want/need. Say a little prayer for my family please:)

Friday, September 19, 2014

Grandma - Say What????

I've lost track of the number of times Marc and I have had "the talk." I always figured it would be his dad that had the talk but nope, it was me. We talked STDs. We talked pregnancy. We talked love and marriage and babies and such.

I scared him. Do you want AIDS?

I explained. Pregnancy doesn't ruin your life but it sure makes it more difficult.

I took the high road. It's important to be a good boyfriend and eventually spouse.

I've shared my own struggles as a "too-young mom" - pregnant at 19, unwed.

I've been honest, straightforward.

And now I'm going to be a grandma.

My son is 18 and a senior in high school. His girlfriend is 18 and graduated in June. By the time he turns 19 and before graduation, he'll be a dad. She'll be a mom. And I'll be a 39 year old grandma.

Deep breath.

I'm not the first person in this situation but boy did I feel alone when he first told me. Of course, my initial thought was "Oh s$**" while my mouth said, "Ok, what's the plan?" Because really at this point, what else can I do? Support and love them.

And get excited. I always wanted to be a grandma (at like age 60). Instead, I will be a youthful grandma with lots of energy.

Now my role has changed a bit. Now I find myself reminding him of the responsible decisions. Don't call into work or school. You need to first, graduate and second, get to work. It's weird to guide a boy through pregnancy. It's not about how should he be eating and to keep exercising and to rest often. It's about offering support. Being a good boyfriend. Being there for her. Saving money. Making a plan.

In essence, I'm helping my son go from being a great man to being a great (basically) husband. And planning a wedding for next summer. Making room for momma to move in and baby eventually. Guiding. Mentoring. Teaching. And trying not to meddle (big surprise, I might be THAT mom).

So in essence, now that the shock has worn off. I'm thrilled. It's exciting really. It's going to be bumpy and rocky but it'll all be ok.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Back to School

Marc - first day of Senior Year
I love fall. Back to school. Football. Leaves changing. Boots. Jeans. Sweaters. Cool, crisp mornings. I love it.

This year, Marc is a senior. I teared up a little when I realized I was taking his last "first day of school" photo.
Marc has disliked school from day one and it's been a chore to get him to this point. He's so smart. Hates school. I can't wait to watch him march in his cap and gown.

Then there's Nate who absolutely loves school. He's a big 5th grader this year. Couldn't wait to see who was in his class and what his teacher was like.

Of course, Fall means that I'm spending my time with football. Awwwww, love!! While at practice, I've discovered the best hobby - knitting!!! Portable, fun, and functional!! I made a super cute Ducks colors scarf to wear to Nate's games! Go Ducks!!!