Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Thankful #26 - Struggling

Today has been a rough day and I've not felt very inspired nor very thankful. It seems like Thanksgiving (and a short work week) plus our town's big Snowflake Festival have all come together at one time and the result is me...feeling overworked, a little overwhelmed, and more than a little cranky.

As I try to wrap up loose ends and check my lists, then check them again, then check yet again, I worry that I've forgotten something important.

As I pour over the calendar of events, I worry that I forgot an event. I count them and count them again. I compare them to last year's calendar.

I proofread and proofread and proofread only to discover that I forgot a "t" somewhere in skate which took it from an ice arena event to a Ska music event.

I listen to people come in the office who want to know if they can be first in the parade. I smile and remind myself that they don't want to hear how difficult it is to lineup 100 floats who all want to be in the front. So I tell them I'll do what I can.

I smile at the silly questions...why is the parade on a Thursday at 7 p.m? I can't answer that..because 30 years ago, it was set that way and it's just stuck ever since. Besides, it's what makes our parade unique and exciting.

Then there's those days today when it just isn't quite coming together like I envisioned. And I really want to say "But it wasn't my fault, so and so didn't do it." Except I don't....because it doesn't do any good and no one wants to hear it.

And I grumble to my boss a little. And my very closest friends. And I turn on some angry music like Nine Inch Nails, Staind, or Alice in Chains, close my door and work work work.

And rather than say, "It'll just have to do..." I work late. I lay awake thinking, "What else can I do?" I pour over the event and think through scenarios - what can go wrong? what can go right? I wake at 2 a.m. thinking "Shoot, add that to the list."

I could carry on. But I'm trying to get to something I'm thankful for. . .

A job? Of course. A pretty good work ethic I got from my parents? absolutely. Volunteers who take time out to help with the event? YES. People who can give constructive criticism without making me cry? Yes. A front desk person who can handle some of the calls and let me focus? Yes. A community that loves this event and mostly appreciates all the time that goes into it? Yes.

and maybe just maybe I'm also thankful it'll be over in two weeks....leaving me two weeks to find my Christmas spirit! LOL

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