Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Boy Who Stole My Heart

Sixteen years ago today, my life changed in ways I never could have imagined and I fell hopelessly, completely in love with the cutest dark haired boy I'd ever seen. As soon as our eyes met, I knew it was forever!

I was 20 years old and I was finally able to hold the baby I'd carried for nine months. Marcus was my first child and while I knew I'd love him, I had no idea how much and how instantly that would hit. Anyone who says that love at first sight is not possible has never been a mom.

I've thought about what I'd write today to share with you.

I thought maybe I'd write about how Marcus came to be. (A short-lived relationship with a dark, brooding, tattooed man on a motorcycle).

I thought I'd list all the things I love about Marcus. (it's a damn long list)

I thought I'd tell you all his amazing qualities and the nice things he does and how much he cares for others (and has every since he was born).

I could tell you about his name and how I couldn't decide until he was three days old (after he was born William Patrick just didn't seem to fit, I had to come up with alternatives)

I thought I'd share a picture and show you how handsome he is (unfortunately the girls think so too, ugh)

I thought I'd share a few embarassing but heart warming stories (like the time he stood in the bathroom door at McDonald's naked screaming for Mom). Yeah, he'd kill me:)

But none of them seemed quite right.

You see, sixteen years ago today as I lay in the hospital, exhausted from labor, I was scared. Terrified that I would never been good enough for this boy. I didn't feel worthy of this blessing and I was scared to death that I'd screw it up.

For nine months, I worried about labor. Would it hurt? Would he be ok? Would he have ten fingers and ten toes? Would I be able to nurse? Would I need a C-section?

But as they placed him on my stomach, that all fell away. I mumbled something and that little baby's blue eyes looked up at me. The books I'd read informed me that he couldn't see very well. But I swear, when he heard my voice, those eyes looked up at me like he recognized me and I knew I was a goner. I'd never be the same! It was also the very instant I knew there was God. I just remember thinking over and over that there's no way he could be explained by science alone!

Marcus was beautiful, with a headful of dark thick long hair. My heart would feel like it was breaking or exploding every time I looked at him and thought "He's mine."

Marcus and I went home three days later and I used to sit and look at him, marvelled at how wonderful it was to be his mom.

And that's what I've done ever since. I look at him now, grown up and I'm still amazed that I'm his mom. I still don't feel worthy. I still worry whether or not I've done a good job.

I worry if I've instilled the right morals and values. I think I have but he's now at the age for those things to be tested.

I worry about whether or not I've taught him all the important things in life.

I knew my life would change when the baby was born. What I DIDN'T know what how much my life would change when Marcus arrived.

Marc has taught me about the important things in life.

Enjoy each day. Too many times, we're so focused on the future that we don't realize the milestone happening today. When our babies sit, we want them to crawl. When they crawl, we want them to walk.

Laugh often and deeply. It's okay to chuckle and enjoy a joke but when was the last time you belly-laughed? Marcus taught me that.

It's about the experiences. We all want our kids to have things and lord knows they'll ask for them. But it's the experiences that count. I can buy Marc an Ipod, I can buy him video games, but the thing he remembers is the time we spent together.

Love unconditionally.

Be a good person.

Yep, my life changed for sure. For the better. Forever. This boy came in and stole my heart. Happy 16th Birthday Marc!

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